It’s Okay to Complain

I want to complain. I know, I know, nobody likes a complainer, but sometimes life is so frustrating I just want to complain. The most annoying part is I know how to fix most of my problems. The problem is making those changes are so hard. I make goals and plans and think of every possible scenario I can, but when it comes to implementation, it suddenly seems impossible. It doesn’t matter what problem I have it almost always feels the same. It’s almost like I use all my energy coming up with a way to deal with the problem. Then when its time to put the plan into action I can only stick with it for a few weeks. I hate it. 

One of the most aggravating parts is that I can be so strong-willed and stubborn, but I seem to lose all that will power when it comes to specific trials in my life. For example, I can spend almost all night struggling to keep a straight face and not smile because a friend offered me a dollar to stay in character while dressed as Sadness from Inside Out. However, I will still ignore a reminder I set to eat more vegetables even though I’ve wanted to get healthier my entire adult life. Its like I am only stubborn for stupid reasons. I hate it.

Asking for help is an option, but my stupid pride always gets in the way. I don’t want people to see me in the middle of a struggle. I’m fine discussing it when it’s over, but in the middle, I want to live in the delusion that it isn’t even happening. I want to change on my own, and I don’t want people to comment about it until its over. Any comment in the middle sends me running. I hate it.

I hate a lot at times. However, I keep making plans. I keep trying. Sometimes I hate that I keep trying. That’s why at times I think it’s nice to complain.