This is Why I’m Fat
I am fat. It sounds harsh, but it’s true. I don’t say it like that because I have low self-esteem or because I hate who I am. I state it like that because it is the most accurate description of how I look. Sure I’m curvy and voluptuous and many other more pleasant sounding words for “heavy” women but when it comes down to it I am fat.
To me, that word isn’t meant to hurt me or cause me discomfort. Instead, it provides a motivation I can’t receive by using “nicer” words to describe my body type. Now I’m not saying all women who are bigger or curvier are fat because they’re not. Some are incredibly healthy, beautiful women, but I’m not one of them. I’m incredibly unhealthy. I love fast food, and junk food, really any food that is terrible for you, especially if it’s salty like chips or French fries. So there it is, my weakness in life is food, and it has made me fat.
I hate being fat. Now before people start screaming “You just said you didn’t hate it,” realize I don’t hate myself, I hate that I have allowed myself to become fat. These are two very different things. I love who I am as a person. I’ve had struggles and fought and clawed to become the woman I am today. I still have many things to improve on, but I like who I am, and I enjoy my life. What I don’t like are these many, many extra pounds I carry around all the time.
I can hear people screaming now “Embrace who you are! Big is beautiful! Don’t let society convince you being skinny is the only way to be attractive.” To them I say, shut up. Half the people screaming that don’t know what it feels like to be so overweight. The other half can think and live however they are most comfortable, but for me, I want to be healthy. I doubt I will ever be what society calls “skinny” I’m not built that way, but I also know that if I were healthy, I wouldn’t be this heavy.
Recently I’ve been struggling. I stopped exercising regularly, and I’ve gone back to eating more junk. Every day I tell myself I’ll start again. It’s been almost a month of this thought process. I will spend all day thinking and deciding that today is the day I begin again. Then I will come up with every excuse not to. Sometimes it isn’t even a good excuse. It’s just that I don’t want to or that I can do it later. Later never comes.
I need to make it now.